I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize