after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize