omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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