ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
