I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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