tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
