I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
