i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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