i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
