hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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