sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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