Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize