dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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