i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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