we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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