End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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