and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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