i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i love accidental penises.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
