I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
