I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
