I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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