Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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