I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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