Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
