Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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