Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i barfeds in our rink
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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