I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
