my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
