I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
