Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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