I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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