i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
