My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
