Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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