thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize