you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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