well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
