YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
