I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
