That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
