maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
