Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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