Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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