Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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