so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
