Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
