I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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