paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need water and some morals
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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