That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
