I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
