If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
