I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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