that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
