I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
soo... how was my night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
