I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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