didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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