Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize