I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
