And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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