So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
