Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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