you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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